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A Christmas Letter From The Mounts

My mom asked me to write the family Christmas letter this year. I think she immediately regretted it. Her first words while reading it were, “Oh no.” My dad got a kick out of it though, so I’m proud of that. I thought I would share it since it’s Christmas and all.

2011 was another year for the Mounts where they enjoyed doing mostly nothing. Steve did some things and said some words, Linda spent some time sitting down, other times standing up, and occasionally driving to some places, while Brendon had a great deal of opportunities to do things, but turned them all down so he could follow suit with his parents. Becky, Miles, and the Pinter bunch were the busiest of the Mounts, probably due to Becky’s name change (which happened in the oddly eventful year of 2008). She even went to a few baseball games…if that can be counted as doing something. Nonetheless. it was more of something than the average Mount.

But wait, I just found that something actually did happen. The Mount Colonel popped into a white, buttery…General. Steve is now a General – though white, not buttery – and everyone around him is too intimidated by his status to talk to him. In fact, Brendon still has yet to overcome his fear of such high status. “In general, as people say,” Brendon said at some point this year while taking a small break from doing nothing. “I’m very proud of my father, but, generally speaking, I don’t know what the big deal is about being a general. It’s a rather broad category of people isn’t it?” Aside from what Brendon says, the Mounts are extremely proud and thankful to have such an important and hardworking head of its household.

Speaking of the household, Linda has done a fine job maintaining hold of the Mount’s house this year. If Steve is the head of the house, Linda is most certainly the brain inside that head. “I love being the brain inside Steve’s head,” Linda said earlier in the year to no one in particular. “The only problem is I can’t seem to find the door.”

Earlier in the year, while pretending to do nothing and fooling even me, the Mount’s took a trip up to the Northern Idaho, Eastern Washington region. It was a long and vigorous journey by Mount standards, but once they finally arrived, they were able to successfully go back to doing nothing in a different zip code; that is, aside from celebrating Grandpa Roy’s 80th birthday. He is currently the oldest and most refined Mount of the family. “for anyone in general, even generals, to make it to the advanced year of 80 is quite the achievement,” one of the Mounts said, though it remains unclear which one. “For it to be a Mount is really something. We all feel very fortunate to have such an old an therefore wise member of this family.”

Speaking of old age, the Mounts were knocked out of their do-nothing-comma yet again earlier in the summer at it took the help of a Blain. Phyllis Blain, Linda’s beloved mother, and Brendon’s favorite living Grandmother, had a medical scare after her knee-replacement surgery and was hospitalized with a severe stroke. Fortunately, she is now back to normal and can currently be found in a floating mansion migrating in the general direction of south with her friends, the ol’ goose family.

Earlier still in the year, while Becky was busy doing nothing after a time of doing quite a bit of things, the rest of the Mount household took a trip to see her in far-too-sunny Lake Isabella, California. They then traveled down to beautiful San Diego where they continued a routine of doing not much of anything despite their visits to the San Diego Zoo and Sea World. “To be completely honest,” Becky might have said at some point this year, “Sea World and the Zoo were the perfect places for us Mounts to visit. We didn’t have to do much because the animals did it all. Even Kynlee had a great go of it.”

At the time of this trip that probably won’t go down in infamy for the Mounts, but will certainly be remembered with an amount of fondness, Becky was pregnant. Since then, she has lost some stomach weight and the Mounts are now one more in number with the birth of Grayde Pinter, occurring on October 10th 2011. Grayde has been a great fit into the family with his highly developed ability to literally do nothing aside from pooping and sleeping. Kynlee seems to have enjoyed this addition since he provides the perfect distraction for her to sneak away from her parents’ sights and do some things. Even so, she has been a great big sister.

Well, as I conclude this letter I have to admit that the Mounts, aside from what they want you to believe, actually did a few things this year and as you read this letter with a confused look on your face and wonder why the Mounts didn’t just write this letter themselves, I have to  remind you that doing so would require them to admit to actually doing something. Oh yea, and I’m supposed to wish you all the merriest of Christmases and remind you that “Unto us, a child is born,” or more accurately, a child was born, many years ago in fact.

God bless you all and Merry Christmas from the Mounts.

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About B.R. Mt.

I am a writer of fiction, poetry, song, and philosophy. I drive a school bus to pay my bills and write most the day to pay my soul. My primary missions in life are to defy expectations and encourage others to look beyond the surface.

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