the smelly old man

i came upon a man sitting on the beach

and as i walked by i did beseech

“sir, please get off of your smelly old ass

and go have your self a shower or bath”

i saw him look up at me and think

he said “you’re right, i probably stink”

“but its not my fault, its all this fresh air

and its at least been a year since i’ve washed my hair”

“are you homeless, sir? did you fall on hard times?”

“any why do you insist on speaking in rhymes?’

to this he ignored me and then simply said “what?’

i sat and i stared and i scratched my butt

“how did you get yourself into such a mess?’

he took a deep breath and began to confess

“i’m not homeless or poor or some drunken fool”

then he suddenly went crosseyed and started to drool

he uncrossed his eyes and looked up with a grin

said “since when’s being smelly become such a sin?”

i said “sir, you’re right! what a gift you just gave!”

and i vowed then and there “i’ll never again bathe!”

i planted my tush next to him in the sand

and thus i became the smelly old man

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An Older Brother’s Duty (haha…Doodie! Yeah, I went there.)

Readers of Playonward513… meet my older brother, a big part of our new staff —

You may or may not know me.  I’m Mick.  Among many, many other things (paramedic, college graduate, genius, extremely good looking (some would even say ravishing), etc.) I am the older brother of Charles Westerman (aka Charlie, Chuckleslovkia, Char Char the Dog Faced Bitch Boy or Dog Face… or Fa-say for short) and its something I’m damn proud of.  I’m about to do something I don’t often do.  I’m going to brag on him publicly, and in a place he can see it no less.

You see, my little brother’s awesome.  He’s one of the most clever little bastards I know. A great writer of songs, stories, poetry and sports.  A talented player of the guitar, trampoline basketball and women (that last one’s a blatant lie).  And most of all he is an annoying little prat, a whiny little turd and a constant pain in my proverbial ass. But I do love the lad.

That all being said I wouldn’t trade him for all the Viagra in Hefs medicine chest.  Or anything else.

I felt very honored when he asked me to be a contributor to his new little, but growing, world of writing.  However, it made me realize something.  As older brothers, Jeremy (the eldest of the Westerman Three) and I have long known that it was to be our job to keep ol’ Chuckles from getting too pompus and douchey as he climbs the ladder of the English teaching profession or whatever professional realm he chooses to enter.  Therefore, I have declared it my job to be playonward513’s resident malcontent, grouch, bullshit-flag-thrower and envelope pusher.

Pray, let me explain a little better– I know Char at least, if not better, than about anybody else in this world.  I know he values my opinions, insight and occasional wisdom I throw his way.  I know he knows Jesus and I know he knows I know Him too.  I believe there is such amazing freedom in knowing those things about one another and that knowing the Truth (that’s Jesus, kids) gives us a chance to pose the tough questions, to question our faith and to ultimately better know the Truth.

So, I may swear more than my mother would approve.  I may enjoy beer a little more than is necessary (don’t worry, I’m not a homeless, slobbering drunk).  And I may tend to enjoy stirring the pot (no, I don’t mean marijuana or a toilet) on a fairly regular basis, but I know that he knows that I know.  And what is more worth knowing?

Char, thanks for letting me be a part of something very real and very special.  We will look back on this one day with fondness. Now, to bust your balls one last time in the interest of humor (as you so gracefully stated in your playonward513 Staff Welcome letter) I will conclude this post as I see fit.

Shit.